Remember when we felt it for the first time, the tingling between our thighs. Butterflies in places we weren't used to. We knew we wanted to explore. To go after that feeling, because something was telling us the best part was yet to come.
So, we slipped our hands down and had a feel around. With a bit of time and practice… we got there. But we had to make it quick. Because we dare not be caught. So, we tensed our legs, our bodies, held our breath and squeezed one out. Short and sharp and fireworks.
Some of us, including myself, have continued to climax in the same way into adulthood.
I’ve come to learn over the past few years, there are different ways. Better ways. Ways to extend and intensify the female orgasm.
Betty Dodson; artist, author, and PhD sexologist first introduced me to the following varieties of orgasm:
Pressure and Tension orgasms are generally the go to in adolescence and young adulthood, like what I described in the opening. Relaxation orgasms are what they teach in Tantra. And the Combination; five elements of orgasm; clitoral stimulation, vaginal penetration, PC muscle contractions, pelvic thrusting and breathing.
Interesting and a lot to explore. Betty has fantastic articles on her website if you want to read more. You can also watch her with Gwen on Goop (streaming on Netflix).
Although these techniques are different, the breath or the way we breathe is a big part of each.
Pressure and tension; we hold our breath. Relaxation and combination; we extend the breath.
I started playing around with this myself. Some techniques take longer than others, but the way I was breathing made every single one more intense and actually, just better.
If you know what works for you, and you’ve got your technique down, then go ahead and keep doing that. There is no wrong way to orgasm.
If you want to experiment with a simple technique that could intensify your orgasms, why not try using your breath? This can be done on your own while masturbating, with a toy or no toy and with a partner, again toy or no toy.
Here’s a quick how to:
1. Tune into the breath, bring your awareness inward.
Firstly, tune into the breath and its natural rhythm. Notice if it’s shallow or deep, long or short, if you’re breathing through your mouth or nose. No need to control the breath here. This is all about bringing your awareness inward.
2. Nasal breathing
If you can, switch to nasal breathing. Close that mouth. Deep inhale through the nose, long exhale through the nose. This will relax your body and hopefully get you out of your head so you can start to really focus on what’s to come.
3. Send your breath to your clit
Visualise your breath flowing in through your nose and travelling all of the way down to your clitoris. Exhale and see it rising back up. Let’s bring your awareness to where you’re feeling pleasure and visualise the breath feeding that pleasure.
4. Visualise your sexual organs swelling and pulsing
Now, visualise the breath filling your clitoris (same breath; deep inhale, long exhale through the nose). Visualise the breath stoking the fire of the building orgasm. It’s tempting to stop breathing when you’re peaking and tense up, but keep that breath going, in and out.
5. Don’t be Hasty.
Good things come in time. No exception here.
A female erection can take up to 20-30 minutes of stimulation. So, take your time. If you’re tensing up, or feel pressure to come quicker because you’re worried you’re taking too long for your partner, come back to your breath and enjoy all of it.
6. The Time Has Come.
You’ve let it build and build and it’s all coming together for you.
Try to keep the breath all of the way through and savour this moment and the moment after.
There it is, a simple breathing exercise to simultaneously relax and arouse.
Have a play around with it. It might be fun to experiment with on your own first. Then, if you’re getting some benefit from it, introduce it when having sex with a partner, even show them how to do it. It might also help to explain what you’re doing before starting.
I know from my experiences, as a woman, I rush to climax or worse, completely give up on the idea of climax because I’m worried it will take too long.
Breathing during sex has helped me get out of my head, take a step back from my hang ups about time, and get into my body. I’ve now realised that my partner loves it. He loves it when I put my pleasure first during sex and I’m loving getting to know my body better.
Let’s start prioritising our orgasms and never again rush for anyone.
Charlotte J Bell | Guest Writer
Charlotte is studying her Masters of Writing while teaching yoga at O-Studio and online via My Monthly Moves. Charlotte is a mental health advocate, a passionate foodie and is about to release her first cookbook - Tasteful.
Image credit: @petramingneau