Meet Abbey, a vibrant 44 year old mum of two adult kids, wellness lover, and self-described happily single babe. 

Two years into her perimenopause journey, Abbey is transforming her experience from confusing and isolating to one of connection, empowerment and yes PLEASURE.

We chatted to Abbey about how her symptoms showed up, how they impacted her body, identity, and sexuality, and the tools she now swears by to feel good (in all the ways).

Whether you’re just entering perimenopause or you’re knee deep in the hot flushes and hormone shifts, Abbey’s story reminds us that this next season of life doesn’t mean losing who we are. It might just mean reconnecting.

The First Signs: “I Felt Like a Guest in My Own Body”

“I was constantly tired. I mean bone tired, even after a full night’s sleep,” says Abbey. “My mood shifted too. I didn’t feel like myself.”

At first, Abbey thought her symptoms were linked to breast implant illness. “I couldn’t afford the surgery to explant them at first, so it took around two years to realise what was really going on. Once I had the surgery and still felt unwell, I started getting more symptoms and then I had my first hot flush. I told my doctor and she just said, ‘Sounds like perimenopause!’”

The diagnosis brought both clarity and frustration. “If I didn’t have implants, I might have known earlier. I did recognise the signs but I didn’t connect the dots.”

On Identity, Intimacy & Desire: “It Was Like My Body Was Gaslighting Me”

Perimenopause doesn’t just show up physically it can sneak into your identity, your confidence, and your sense of self-worth.

“I completely lost my libido,” Abbey shares. “I didn’t want to be intimate with my partner. I felt disconnected, and definitely didn’t feel sexy or sexual.”

Worse, it felt like her own body had turned against her. “It was like being gaslit by my body. I didn’t know who I was anymore that really impacted my desire and made it hard to show up in intimacy.”

While medical dismissal and lack of information didn’t make things easier, Abbey found an unexpected lifeline online. “Facebook groups were amazing. Women shared their stories, their wisdom, they were my unofficial medical board.”

Reclaiming Her Body (and Pleasure)

So what changed?

“It all started with taking better care of myself,” says Abbey. “Strength training, eating better, moving my body, managing stress everything is connected. I also started MHT (menopause hormone therapy), including testosterone, which helped a lot with libido.”

Abbey also explored tools that made a real difference including some of our faves here at Hello Lover.

“I use pelvic floor balls, Ovestin cream for vaginal health, and Uber Lube. I also practise self-pleasure; It's part of my self-care routine now.”

And how important is communication?

“Massively important,” she says. “Whether you’re partnered or single, being able to talk openly about what’s happening to your body, especially with a partner is everything. Sexual wellness is part of overall wellness.”

Building a New Foundation

Abbey’s life now looks totally different from before. And that’s a good thing.

“What worked in my 20s no longer works. I had to totally transform how I was treating my body. I strength train, I walk, I eat nutrient-dense food, I practice stress management and self-pleasure. These are non-negotiables now. They're my foundation.”

Advice for Others: “It Will Get Better, I Promise.”

If you’re new to perimenopause and feeling overwhelmed, Abbey has this to say:

“Advocate for yourself. You know your body better than anyone. Educate yourself on symptoms and what’s happening inside your body. I call this my second spring, I’m transforming into a new version of myself, and blooming.”

And when it comes to supporting other women?

“Understand that our sexual needs might change but we still want connection and intimacy. It might look different now, but it’s no less important.”

So, Abbey, What Does Sexual Wellness Mean to You Now?

“It’s just another part of my overall wellbeing. I take care of it. I put effort into it. It matters.”

And her sexuality in three words?

Fun, free, and foreplay.
(YES, Queen.)

Abbey's Pleasure Tool Kit:

• Pelvic floor balls:“I love the Hello Lover ones!”

• Menopause Hormone Therapy: Progesterone, estrogen, testosterone

• Ovestin vaginal cream: For vaginal health

• Uber Lube: “Perfect for dryness”

• Self-pleasure: As a regular part of self-care

• Strength training & nutrition: The building blocks of feeling good

We are so grateful to Abbey for sharing her story so honestly. Her journey is a reminder that even in the messiest, sweatiest, most confusing times of life, you’re still worthy of pleasure.

You deserve to feel sexy. To feel free. To feel like you again.

Big love from Hello Lover and from Abbey. x

Want to share your perimenopause or sexual wellness story?

We’d love to hear from you. You can choose to remain anonymous or include your name (and even a pic if you like!). Get in touch with us at hello@hellolover.com.